LUPUS consume me Love surrounds me.

On a very personal view I am blogging about Lupus and a recent loss of an aunt( by marriage until the divorce). What the heck I still called her aunt. She was young and has struggled alot over the last few years, with medical issues. I can so identify with her because we share the same disease and I on a very personal level understand the pain she was in and the choice to simply survive.

If you have never read about this disease and the effects it reaks havock on the person and drains the family. The disease was known as "the wolf" it slowly attacks your body and then it devours the organs @ least in its worst form. I have been blessed in many aspects to have limited adverse effects of this disease.

But for the grace of Christ it will not devour my spirit. Perhaps I may need medicine for the ill effects I seem to be experiencing and although I am not opposed it just takes alot to convince me I need it.

This disease is my burden/ my cross, and I will carry it ;just as my aunt did. She loved her children and raised them with love. My cousins are 2 really great kind people!! She allowed Love not Lupus to surround them to the best that she could. Sure she had many really bad days and I can understand them while others may not. I do!

Never let it consume you let it surround you and LOVE consume you.

place your fears and needs in the hands of Christ and you will face any obstacle differently.

Elaine Thanks you for the memories ! rest in peace, he has you now.


Iwith GOD. So I only grieve for a time.

you look beautiful tonite,but where is the beauty

Have you ever thought" I hope my children if and when I do have them ,are pretty babies"?

Sure you have don't lie. I am blesssed to have a beautiful child and tonite she is going to the prom all the sequins on her tangerine dress combined with all the jewely and the hair fixed perfectly.

She flips that candide smile as she did when she was age 2,and off she goes to explore this new day, this new season.

I say to myself but where is the beauty. It is so evident and wrapped within her I can't believe she is my child.

She is in many ways so innocent to the ugliness of this world and thank the Lord for that.

The most important thing I pray for her is that the inward beauty "Christ" will show as
always to out shine any dress, any jewerly, any sequins.

That is where the beauty is.

I know that having a beautiful child is a blessing but having a child whom has the beauty of Christ will solidfy all the ugliness of this world.

the heart that is where the beauty is tonite.

The White Lies will bind you/The demise is the beginning

I know if every one were honest they would say well certainly "I have told my share of lies" Then comes the well it was only a little white one.

Come on seriously just own it you are a liar.

I wish it were a word like fudged it is not as harsh to the spirit or my hears when I know you are telling a lie it breaks me just as it does Christ.

As, I have grown during the last 3 YEARS the mindfullness of being upfront and truthful has gotten me into trouble. It has hurt people!!!

I have found this mode to protect people I go with the new apporoach of the " White lies".
What am I thinking just be upfront when your husband ask "honey are you ok" be truthful don't suppress or fudge to bury it in yourself. The White Lies will bind you.

The demise is the beginning!!!!!

I let an employee go this week after much thought and 2 years of trying to witness to her I cut the tie( she lied) but,yet does it matter.

Sure it does!!! We can rationalize our twisting of anything but the consequences are far more severe when you are not a Christain.

You see Christ will forgive me. the problem is when you lie and lie and deny and deny then the circle of accountability will come full circle.

Consequences, hash and your only option is too tell more lies. Perhaps, this person will realize the need for Christ. I feel so sad over this but a conviction of laws and my relationship with God is what binds me in the end.

I recently completed a short study on preventing legal issues.

the number one thing is honesty!!

A BIBICAL PRINCIPAL WHEN APPLIED TO ANY SITUATION WOULD CERTIANLY CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF DIVORCE, OR EVEN GETTING A TICKET.

Think is it true and what impact will it have on my relationship with Christ, before speaking.

Perfection and our Annoyances of life.

I have found perfection is Christ and I am certainly not worthy to be in this same sentence. Yet I yearn to be on some levels. Some would say well that is what he desires for us. But, does he really want perfection in the avenue some seek it.

I am blessed to have this personality of "the stuff others sweat are not making me sweat" I let alot roll off my back and alot does. But some things don't and they eat @ my core. Annoyance of life can be sumed as " it is me and my desire for others to see why perfection will make you loose sight of acceptance'

Christ was both tolerant of others and intolerant of others. He has shown this is dealing with me and my faults.

I have seen couples loose sight of what God desires because they were not tolerant and that would include me in my marriage.

Now this is hard to swallow. Because, I only want certain things . What I have realized is I don't have these things because God said "No Sandy, it is not for you, not now ,maybe never" Now show me how much is this " going to hold you back from loving me and following me, and living for me, over and over, day in and day out, from morning to dark. from the begenning until the end.

I vow to not let the imperfection of others keep me from loving my GOD with all I am and through all the annoyances he sends my way.

It is to test my true character!!!!

My conclusion is the character I build through Christ will be, by the way of getting to his perfection through annoyances of life and all that I encounter in it.

Forgive, wipe the slate clean, and live knowing you are not perfect.

unable to speak@ a loss for words

If we did not have the gift of speech , how would we communicate? My mother is age 62 and has sufferred a stroke. Her most frustrating defecit from this is the loss of speech and the difficulty she has incountered of being able to communicate with others.

I see her pain and I see her wheels spinning, as she thinks, and thinks, and thinks, and thinks. Yet, she will either get it out or give up. Why does the loss of speech so greatly impact us and this cycle of life? How delicate is the wiring of our anatomy and almost magical when one thing leaves another replaces it..

I find it so hard to see this process!! Quite honestly it sucks. But it is of GOD and some don't like it. Yet, if you like it or not you must accept it and praise GOD for his gift of speech, even if you loose it.

Recall all the words you speak and look at what you say could be your last word.

How sad it would be to not tell your child you love them, or your employees they do a great job, or your teacher sorry for being disruptive, or the girl behind the counter "hope her day is better" Or your mother in-law thank's for all the times she did not intrude and thank's for the times she allowed you to discipline your child and only stand back holding her on words.

Perhap's even the times you scolded your pet. Do you recall how they repsond to your words?

So, as I deal with this loss of speech my mother is battling I look at it so differently and sometimes I am finding that I myself am at a loss for words.

The blessing is communication is from GOD speak ,think, write, read, laugh, grin, smile.

Know you are blessed by every thing that GOD gives you from the mother whom can't speak as she did but can still smile.

Lastly for your own ability to speak.

Mom I recall my first word you said I said "grandaddy in some kind of garble" You were obviously proud to teach me my first words" As I am 43 and you still recall it.

As I enter this journey of my new season with MOM I pray all my words are from GOD and not of myself.

Missing a sense but not missing your spirit. I love my MOM, she is not @ a loss for communication. Others only see her that way.