The deafness! living for 7 out of 7.

It was a really long week. But one of a great glorious final moment, and it is about what will be at the end, not the struggle in the beginning. God made the earth in 6 and rested on the 7th. I like to think along that line when I go/ leave my job/work and have those moments of uncertainty.



So a MONDAY for me this week was one of great anxiety, certainly not Christ like. It did not take me long to realize Satan can find a pin hole in your flaws and create a crater or better yet the Yellow Stone National Park. My anxiety was just that from a scale of zero- to hundred and from a pin hole -to Yellow Stone. True enough we act like some things do not affect us, but you can't hide emotions from the devil he intends to make it public that is his goal, My anxiety over "was it the correct choice", was filled with all kinds of emotion but, uneasy is the base line. I viewed every item to see if letting someone go was what Christ would do, or was I wrong. God interevned and it did not even occur on Monday,giving me time to really think about details and choices. Reflecting upon Matthew 21:12-13 Cleansing the Temple , and Matthew 26:70-75

Now it's !

Tuesday came so quickly, I went into the approach of terminating an employee, to reflect was it what God would want after reading the previous verses it was simple. Termination made with a more settled heart and by Wednesday no anxiety over a "choice".

Life is pretty good when you can live for 3 out of 7 and reflect God. But come on he wants it all and so my week continues.

Thursday getting past a lot of emotions at our office was meet by the grace of GOD "deafness"
One could alway's say 'I did not hear that" but we had a patient whom required a sign interpertuer, because he really could not hear. I was most amazed by his presence and the ease he strolled into our office with. Reading our letters of communication with him ,awaiting the signer to translate his medical complaints. He sat and completed all paper work simply by reading the directions. Most impressive if you ever see our medical history questionaire, it would be a clear picture of "they must want access to my trust fund rights, by all the question's we require". Translator arrives and she begins to sign for the patient "they both laugh and smile"
You see they had met brief before in the deaf community functions,but were both at a function the night before his appointment. Of course neither aware they would be seeing each other the next morning. Our staff was all captured at his accomplishments and the ability to sign and hear without the sense of hearing, (health care in a glorious God moment was much needed). A very cool man! A very evident circle of life. I love My God and Thursday in this moment I SO LOVE MY JOB,in that moment I relish the ability to communicate and learn sign language. Yet I also realize GOD HAS BEEN GIVING ME HIS OWN SIGNS AND I CHOOSE TO TURN MY OWN EAR. Not a healthy choice for someone whom is seeking to grow in Christ.

Finally it is Friday!!!!

Some really good ideas keep me looking forward to improving my job, all for the glory of GOD.
But, my first focus is home and I am leaving early to spend some time with my husband even an extra 1 &1/2 getting home early is important. All will be here on Monday. In this choice I realize
I am ok to want the best for my co-workers and seek the best in health care. However, God gave me a sign and I listened this morning "a healthy marriage requires time,a good manager requires a peaceful heart. I will find the balance this will make 5 out of 7 . It is all good under his power.

Saturday
I spent some much needed time just resting, fatigue hit me hard and I came home fell asleep, Friday. My husband so grasciously let me sleep. Now rested spending time with him is easy. I realize you must balance your time, for it was obvious time was the element needed. 13 hours of un-interupted sleep. This is something God gave us and some don't seem to get the fact " Rest was in his plan" After this many hours of sleep "I gotcha God". God first I am your daughter,then I am a wife under your leadership, a mom under your authority, seeking to desciple others along the path with me. Wow he is so remarkable. 6 out of 7 living until he shows me more.

My Sunday.

A ridicuously awesome day at church followed by a very peaceful day with "RAIN". He sent that my way to remind ME of "HE CREATED EVERY THING AND WE ALL ENCOUNTER THINGS/THOUGHTS /FEELINGS' But, you must realize you get the signs to fix this just listen and you will then and only then have the full ability to live for 7 out of 7.

There is great power in the number 7. HOLY! HOLY!

SANDY

When your love must change.

I am in the midst of a failling marriage and not sure I want to fight for it anymore.

I have often heard couples comment I love him but I am not in love with him. I was so perplexed by this message and have never under stood it.

This describes me and my feelings! you loose the butterflies, you loose the goose bumps and then you loose the heart.

That is my message from God.

When a marriage is falling like a full bag of Reeces Pieces, it is all good until the bag is gone, the sweetness leaves you and you hold an empty bag longing for the fullness of just the flavor.

I love my husband, but he has lost the flavor!!!

I must endure because God commnands that of me. I want to be the wife that keeps him going to buy the next bag, and sample the sweetness, God provides between a husband and a wife.

He has such a huge heart and a wounderful smile and a great compassion for nature and his dog and others, he is a great provider.

What he does not have is the will to fight the last fight, go through the valley to see the peak with Christ. He believes in God, but does not live in God.

His life is not evident that he lives with God. So, that is why I am summoned to endure my empty bag, the loss of flavor.

Christ commands that we divorce under certain terms. I firmly know I would be in his grace just as well, if I walked away. But, then I would have lost the battle, gone through the valley only to see the peak on the other side without my husband.

I choose him and then I choose God second. In all honesty if I had choosen God with a full spritiual mind and heart, then choose my husband; This battle would be different.

But it isn't different.

This is the time in my life when my love must change. In the beginning I loved God, but was not in love with him.

Now I am in Love with God and love my husband. I am having a very difficult time fightning the battle. But God has burdened me that he loves my husband now and he longs for him to come unto him. He desires for him to love his son ,before me(his wife), once he loves Jesus Christ I will feel the fullness and sweetness of renewed marriage,a renewed heart.

I consider divorce an admission of not trusting God and not being willing to change my love.

I will forgive and Jesus commands so much more of me.

So be fully aware of "When your love must change"

STOP AND DON'T LET IT LEAVE OR GROW

In relection with some friends from the church today, brought back some really great topics and yet left me with some really personal struggles. About babies/children and cats. True enough I am not all about listening to the cry of a newborn. Yet, I know I should be. Its kinda like my personal quest of Is it ok with GOD that I strongly dislike cats (sure it is bizzarre but yet I just question his opinion on what I think because it should reflect his love)



Today I hosted a baby shower (which I love to do) and the gifts for a new born baby is so awesome. It left me wishing 'STOP AND DON'T LET IT GROW OR LEAVE".



How cool would it be if we could stop the following from growing or leaving



A puppy!

A baby

A teenager whom brings so much joy in your home

Your spouse

A kitten

A newely married couple

A tropical storm

That tree you like to climb

Your elderly grandparents

Your favorite uncle

Your first date with your spouse

on,and on!



In compling the list above It is real personal for me and I begin the deep search to find why I am struggling with wanting to freeze time. We all want only the good and mourn in our own ways the bad. Simply to state we are human and made that way is a cop out. I am looking for the time capsule that will make me relish the bad just as I prance in the good. It is selfish to want this kind of control, and not Christ like. Hard to accept and sometimes I wish I could move forward without thinking about this list and just completly become submissive to the circle of life.

Yet, I love a little puppy and don't have the same passion for an adult dog. Don't get me wrong I am not cruel in any way it is just not something I care to take care of. Why I don't know because a puppy is exhausting. Is it becuase I need to feel drained to be in the presense of God. That is crazy!! But yet think about Jesus when he was seeking God the fourty days of wilderness was draining. I honestly love to look at a kitten but am terrified of kittens and cats. A very unusual fear and yet very true. My heart will race and I avoid getting out of a car when I know one is around. Just really crazy yet I just honestly do not like cats at all. So, I am settled to let God have this one and keep my crazy fear in control. God does love his people whom love animals and I believe their is a special place for cat lovers and a very special place for uncle's whom throw cats at thier neice and scar them emotionally for life.So take me serious when I say don't invite me over if you have cat.

I love a good tropical strom. But, I am almost migrainly tense of a hurricane. So, when one starts to develope I want to simply put build " Sandys' Ark". That is almost funny. I can see all the vibrate colors, it would be one cool ark but a sign would say "cats find your own ride" ,(that is mean I don't think cats can swim). On a more serious note when hurrican Opal came thru in 1995 we lost essentially everything that made our income" a commercial business gone with the wind". It took one huff and one puff for all to be blown away. Not a good time in lfe, not a good time in parenting, not a good time in marriage,to be followed by not a good time in being a 30 year age man to a very controlling mother, not a good time in almost every thing.

But, yet all good comes to his favor.You must realize the good may be a loss for one and a gain for another. That is the way God intends for our life to be what affects one ,will affect another in some fashion of life. To realize your devestation is a gain for someone other than you is so Christ like and yet so difficult to accomplish. Try to swallow that line, I certainly don't measure historically speaking. Now GOD command's me to realize even a flat tire is good for another. Wal Mart tires are reasonable and someone needs the job of selling them. See one does affect another.

I truly desire every child to know the un-ending love of a grandmother. Mine has been gone for 25 years. I never thought she would leave me. But, yet she left me with so much. It is not even poetic to say "she was Love", because now I know her Love was from GOD and that in itself leaves me without futher questions about the broad love of grace. A grandmother grinded in the mix of GOD is truly to the uttermost. She was a prime example of "I love you no matter what".

I think of my daughter and nothing can make me laugh like she can. Just to funny and her blond moments are something to soak up. She is humorous and a child of God. When Chrsit took her heart he intended to align her with peolple whom needed to be aligned with him. That would include me. It has been a crazy life having her to share so many funny and yet tender mom moments. I really do want her to stop and don't let it leave or grow.It is painful because God has shared her enough with me. I am working on this new role to share her with others. Her first boyfriend/dating/ independence/friends. I was taught to share with five siblings yet I struggle withy this inclination to just keep her as she is. A smile , a loud sneezer and a kind heart. Thank you God for helping me see the beauty of parenting in God evolve thru her. She may not be perfect and she may disappoint me one day. But, her kind of love is only from your loving son Christ.

I am struggling in the wife role. I have a great husband far from perfect and he has done things that certainly do not reflect God. But I wish so much to become the wife God desires. More focused on his need more focused on the fact that he is willing to endure everything and yet he still remains by my side. I am sure unknowingly I have driven him to the road of London sometimes "driving on the other side". But yet he alway's let's me know I am his London he want's. God help me protect and keep the love we have from "Stop and don't let it leave". Again Christ will speak I just have to listen . Recall ones devestation is another's gain that can be or you can listen to the intent it means in marriage and realize "a floaded bridge will eventually recind and you can see the road or the river banks".So in your own devestation will become your own gain as well.

I think every person should have the one uncle that takes the time to invest in your youth. I have an uncle who put some really interesting times in my youth. I think so often of how glue holds things together and sometimes it separates after years. He is the glue and he is aging. I want to stop time when I am around him. He always makes me feel love. I know he was some form of protection in my life and nothing is better than to experience the comfort of Christ thru others. My uncle is that person.

Lastly, I drove by a home the other day and looked at a tree that my son used to climb. I miss the tree ,as it has so much height just as GOD intended Yet, I miss my son whom has failed to get his growth in the role of growing in Christ. God gave us notice when he put his own son on the cross and I must become submissive in placing MY LOVE, MY FEARS ,MY ANGER AND MY DESPAIR ABOUT THE SON I so deeply desire to see climb a tree and bring others joy. Certainly not easy and I just can't settle with God over him. Trusting in him to sift me until I am fine and complete with his resolution. But I close in reading 1 Corinthians 17,20. It does apply in everyone's life. It just is not easy to implement. I realize alot of this is of the flesh and so I pray GOD STOP AND DON"T LEAVE ,BUT GOD I DO WANT TO GROW IN YOU.

SANDY

I love Fresh cut grass,I hate the task

Today was an intermittent day for rain, to bad I did not have a WINDOW to gaze out of. Which left me with all I could think about was how fast my grass would grow, as it rained. It is most bizzarre that I can't find the perfect balance to appreciate all things in our world. However, very comfortating that I know I am not alone in my thinking.

Today one of my very cool patients made the same exact comment. I could have shouted,"Finally someone whom gets me" (BECAUSE NOT ALL TEENAGERS UNDERSTAND). she said "I love fresh cut grass,I hate the task,then she continued to talk chit/chat (I am so glad to have the 5 minute encounters I get to have on a daily basis ,yes( it's all about building relationships),so the middle age lady referenced as she continued her brief talk "but we needed the rain, so I will have to do the task again, and I get the fresh cut grass I just love"

It may sound very simplistic but, think deep,not so shallow.

God gave us rain for the ones whom love the rain.
God gave us rain for the ones whom love fresh cut grass.
God gave us rain for the creatures.
God gave us rain for those whom are like me.
God gave us rain for relationship builiding,
God gave us rain to enjoy the use of some really cool and fashionable rain boots.
God gave us rain so you can build memories from.
God gave us rain so we can know his power.
God gave us rain for a warm blanket.
God gave us rain to remind you of him
God gave us rain and it is given so graciously in Florida!
God gave us rain for the weather channel (because we need to know about the North ,not our local weather).

Yet what I find myself asking is why don't I stop and think of this instead of how it will inconvience me. After my encounter with this very nice lady was about to end she said "Honey God loves us, even if we don't always appreciate the rain" Reality check! Put very boldly!

So, don't think it's not about you. Because,eveyone has something they love/like but only when it is best for their "time " not on GODS' TIME".

I walked away from this with "LET IT RAIN". He spoke again boldly "Sandy it is not always about just you" I gave you the grass, I gave you the rain, without one,you can not get the other.

read 2: Corinthians 5-11

What is my rain really about, I am getting closer just not close enough! Today was a good day.

Sandy

LIES AND THE DEMISE/THE BEAUTY OF AN UGLY PICTURE.

IS IT OK TO MICRO-MANAGE? No doubt their is always a period in life, where one should micro-manage duties bestowed upon them. But, yet how to balance this is up to " what is the beauty of your picture, to appear,once publised". I referenced the word publish as a metophor to what you, do/say ;act/react;believe/deny;love/hate,reveals to others your inner unwritten porfolio of "YOU".

Simply, because of the sinful world we reside in, it is best to have every intentions of learning the skills to micro-manage your relationship with Christ.

You can have every thing off of your list deleted as, the sun sets on your day. But the key to micro-management is what was the list in the beginning. Does it ever reflect something like this.

1. return all calls
2. clear all the clutter off my desk.

Recently someone made a comment that stuck in my head and not surprised I can't let that go. The intent of this comment was reference to job duties. The person was most upset that I micro-manage some things. Yet, she felt she done her job because she never left anything on her desk.
Come on honestly I just wanted to say hell its not about what you get off your desk its about the approach in getting these off your desk. Yet reserved to not speak outloud. I looked deeper to see if my own expections were to much. Perhaps! But, convinced certainly "NOT'.

During these times I set up a simple math problem

one person drives 40 minutes to see the doctor,and encounters one MA during the office visit for less than 5 minutes, The drive was pleasant, the encounter was semi pleasant, then 25 minutes with the doctor, health on the route to being restored.By one 40 minute drive ,one 5 minute semi pleasant MA,plus 25 minutes with the doctor. DIVIDED BY -3 test ordered, by 1 DOCTOR, to be followed by his 1-SEMI PLEASANT -MA. Answer in math terms health care in the negative and the drive starts over again, easliy headed in another direction.

RESOLUTION to the problem: one semi pleasant MA can smile and appear to care .but, it requires deligence in looking at what you clear/what you file/what you say/what you think outloud. What you think you have enough knowledge on, is surely the beginning of the drive starting over. So, simply getting every thing off of your desk is not the resolution, it is the problem. Minutes matter and the 70 minutes in this case is the potential of living or dying.

So for some you may need others to micro-manage some areas of your life.

Don't get upset! Get real and look at the problem. When you choose to ignore the problem or choose to lie about the role you played in the error. Perhaps that is the first sign that you need some serious micro-management in many areas of you life. What you claim to be will eventually show as well lies will be the demise and the beauty is an ugly picture.

I stood firm in my faith although it was uncomfortable and potential loss of income. I choose to rely on Christ and he clearly spoke. "Sandy you protect your morals and keep those aligned in my works and deeds, for it will reward you at the end of THE UGLY ,IS THE BEAUTIFUL!

I will continue to micro-manage many areas of my life and yet other's require very little effort. Christ has almost cleared the list. Yet, he know's I can't return all calls at the end of the day and if you ever see my desk, you will know CLUTTER is almost alway's facing me. I can't just simply purge thru, file , and not look at the detail's. In the end some list will never be deleted and I am perfectly pleased with that.

My message this week was clearer than I have ever heard. I am feeling so much more confident in my relationship with GOD. I am trusting him, and seeing sometimes trust is what is needed to help me not micro-manage some things in my life. Yet, also I know some gain your trust easily and some loose it, while some don't see the need for it at all.

Read: Mark 10 -35-45 profoundly ironic to my week.

simply to clear your desk is not always a good thing.

Sandy

I DECLINE TO IGNORE WHAT OTHER REFUSE TO SEE.

Why should I ignore the obvious ,when others refuse to see. I must say it is for several reasons. We live in a sinful world and nonchristains are evident eventually. So, for example, you can remain in his presense or escape and ignore ,with the thought of "it is not something I would do and so I am not responsible in the end. But,yet we are all accountable and that really sucks sometimes. I am so firm in my refusal to compromise or be aligned with the morals of some nonchristians. Word of caution what if your family's entire future could be at risk if you do not choose the seconds of being misaligned with the world. I am convicted that I would eventually fall.

The patients of GOD and his grace is their for me but as well is the "DEATH OF HIS SON".
So I am facing a serious delima and struggles are what we make them. I could just walk away and choose to ignore any situation, But, I don't believe my season of life begins until I face the things which are easy to ignore.

Frustration is a word I known that could be exactly defined as others or used to define how GOD feels about me sometimes.( don't go all political or biblical ) yes he loves me but I know I must frustrate him also.

Well again I pray give me the wisdom to walk away and the wisdom to stand firm. Both are required for this season in LIVING IT OUT.

Read:Philippians 1:21-30

Moral of my convictions today frustration is limited to the flesh, things you know but choose to ignore will eventually misalign all relationships.

Sandy

In this true desire to find another missing part of the picture, (that is what I see in the reflection). I know we should be ridgid in our efforts to start with prayer, but someday's I find it so much more peaceful to just end it with prayer. Which absolutely makes no flippin sense. What am I thinking (it must be my own commandment):thy shall not pray to much! No seriously what would make me box GOD into a time or a space,or reason, let alone a season of my life. When the answer is nauseating and so obvious. It is written on my forehead boldly! I do that ,I box GOD in ,I select to pray when I choose. I may as well be saying it outloud "I got this GOD,Thanks but,No Thanks.I am sure he is most disappointed in my poor attempt to see the reflection someday's.

What makes me sad, is what makes me want GOD more is always put in my view and I am obviously to lazy in my love for his plan /or as our pastor put it "our direction is our destination".

To drive it home.

You can either follow the yellow brick road or not! Just know when you tap those red heels Christ doesn't come calling, nor does he have to show you his heart, you can't only get the oil just when you feel frozen, on the road you travel. Lastly, the wicked witch"lurkes on every stop or detour you take on the trip. The key to the yellow brick road is finding your heart and realize you can remain the lion or become the lion and find your heart, being a coward in Christ is not going to take you futher on the route to love. To face your fear is to find your heart and courage is a really tough act to implement.

So pray more Sandy but understand you should know the difference between in prayer and I pray. GOD should always be summoned to direct the road, and his son JESUS CHRIST, has already paved the road. Honestly it is just that simple and Complicated is not even a street sign on the road. You can't get lost if you listen to the directions and read the map. ITS called LOVE.

Read: 2 John:12 and THE THIRD LETTER FROM JOHN: That sums up my failures and desires. I only asked myself "when will I see him face to face".

I truly believe it is at the end of my road and at the end of his direction for me.

So, I continue to read and follow. In prayer I am hooked to be looking for the love he intends for me . So, if on the road I take a detour GOD let me know how much you still care and direct me back to your destination of the crooked path for me, where the cross was laid for me and where I will alwys intersect with you.

Not even close enough! determined to be.

Sandy

DO YOU NEED GLASSES OR SHOULD I JUST REMOVE THE BLINDERS?

Well I thought it would be easy for others to share my vision, but that requires a clear picture and sometimes even giving them the box of 24 crayons (for some to get the picture,the box of 8 colors is not enough) so they color it on their own and it just doesn't reflect a rainbow. Sometimes, I question do they need eye glasses or simply need to remove the blinders.



I am ok with coloring outside the lines! Sometimes,but mostly it really frustrates the hell out of me. Why I really don't know. I can only calculate "I feel my way is best" and when someone chooses other I have to ponder "what part did they not understand in my instructions. I know I was clear in my expectations. So for the love of rollercoasters, what more can I do to help them stay inside the lines. All I am asking for is a complete picture,not perfection, but yet outside of the lines is mood changing in my world.

Today was a clear picture of GOD is good and colors are more than just to bring happiness in my grey world. So much for making others share my vision. I can't force something on someone, I can't keep them in the lines, if I say it should be black and white, it is becuase God my guide has weighted my soul with digging deeper in all that I do,home, life, work, and yes my continuous trying to get more organized efforts. Christ and his father are one ,so should we be in the places we go or the things we do, when you and I stand together in our expectations and have those aligned with the laws GOD has already provided. That is when others realize you will not alter or back down to settle for anthing less than a complete rainbow or a picture colored inside the lines.

I expect compassion for others, I expect a certain amount of tolerance for others whom try our last nerve, I expect everyone to understand why I push for the best in healthcare,I will not settle for anything less. Forgiveness! Is already paid, Asking for it is up to the person. I can not mis-align my own values and convictions,to allow it intruding upon the sacred territory of my relationship with God . He will not let me settle easy, if I let a white lie -not be brought from the dark. So, I call it like I see it. When you color anything the way you desire it,that is giving each artist (so to speak) open road to look at it thru their own eyes. I am strongly convicted if someone would tell a white lie they would stretch it to be more than just 8 crayons in a box. So, I will hold that person accountable and let them deal with the fall out, and trust in me it will evntually fall out. What should be black will be black ,what should be white will be white, and when it needs a little yellow, the sun will reflect upon it. All other is just an area of grey and I don't think we will see the picture until we remain aligned with Christ.

Moral of this is> Be faithful,Be Strong, Be kind,Be honest,Be open to removing the blinders,Be open to getting yourself in unfamiliar territory. Lastly, be still and listen he will reveal the pretty and ugly pictures in life.

Thinking Outloud! Read 2 THESSALONIAS 2:13


one week down,to the new me. yes it was tenderly painful,no not really it was extremly restless and very uncomfortable.

Trusting in GOD!