regrets a harsh lesson-soften the heart

As I look into the year of 2010. It is evident that I am ready to face the regrets of 2009, 1989, 1992,2003 and know it was intended to give me a harsh lesson-"soften THE HEART". My daughter told me a few weeks ago "mom I don't get why some people think you are bold or abrasive" Which told me I did something correct. I am a good mom whom can mascarade her faults from her daughter and only allow her to see the love I carry for her. perhaps that is good or perhaps it is not. i am settled with she knows my heart and that is great news. Because my heart is for Jesus I just let my head get in the way.


When I think about me/ myself being described as bold or abrasive. I concur!!!!. I think some should be more and some should be less. I questioned is this how Jesus wants me to be. In looking back into 2009, I have been abrasive with co-workers, my husband, but I can justify on some times it was needed. Jesus was somewhat bold and abrasive in my opinion when he was teaching the (Read- he remarks where he is essentially questioning "their ignorance is frustrating to him" I can concur some things frustrate me and in the past years it has been my desire to get along with others and I am always concerned when others don't see or agree with my ideas, my thoughts, my plan. LEARNING TO ADAPT! I AM SO RITUAL IN SOME THINGS AND IN SOME SO RANDOM. So, when it means I must adjust my attitude to overcome the things I view as ritual like coustomer sevice,kindness mercy,compassion,giving, I become bold and abrasive when this area of my is challenged and I am less likely to be the popular one in the crowd. But, should I become popular or stay just as I am.

I firmly believe that the years as asingle mom the years as a divorced woman the years as a
daughter to an alcoholic father, the years spent trying to get myself where GOD wanted me is what has developed part of this defect AND YES @TIMES i CONCUR IT IS A DEFECT. I REALLY WANT OTHERS TO KNOW TAHT jESUS WAS ABRASIVE IN MY VIEW @ TIMES
but, read the text it was because those he was teaching were not understanding the full message he was delivering.

I vow to keep this defect between me and God so he can continue to help me come with an approach so others don't see me as abrasive but as firm for GOD.

I am so eager to please others!!! but that has slowly changed because it should be only to please God and I am going in that direction. I can be softer kinder and loving but the reality is "I must be abrasive with a christain approach and that will give me these attritbutes I am missing, which others see and I mascarade from my daughter.