regrets a harsh lesson-soften the heart

As I look into the year of 2010. It is evident that I am ready to face the regrets of 2009, 1989, 1992,2003 and know it was intended to give me a harsh lesson-"soften THE HEART". My daughter told me a few weeks ago "mom I don't get why some people think you are bold or abrasive" Which told me I did something correct. I am a good mom whom can mascarade her faults from her daughter and only allow her to see the love I carry for her. perhaps that is good or perhaps it is not. i am settled with she knows my heart and that is great news. Because my heart is for Jesus I just let my head get in the way.


When I think about me/ myself being described as bold or abrasive. I concur!!!!. I think some should be more and some should be less. I questioned is this how Jesus wants me to be. In looking back into 2009, I have been abrasive with co-workers, my husband, but I can justify on some times it was needed. Jesus was somewhat bold and abrasive in my opinion when he was teaching the (Read- he remarks where he is essentially questioning "their ignorance is frustrating to him" I can concur some things frustrate me and in the past years it has been my desire to get along with others and I am always concerned when others don't see or agree with my ideas, my thoughts, my plan. LEARNING TO ADAPT! I AM SO RITUAL IN SOME THINGS AND IN SOME SO RANDOM. So, when it means I must adjust my attitude to overcome the things I view as ritual like coustomer sevice,kindness mercy,compassion,giving, I become bold and abrasive when this area of my is challenged and I am less likely to be the popular one in the crowd. But, should I become popular or stay just as I am.

I firmly believe that the years as asingle mom the years as a divorced woman the years as a
daughter to an alcoholic father, the years spent trying to get myself where GOD wanted me is what has developed part of this defect AND YES @TIMES i CONCUR IT IS A DEFECT. I REALLY WANT OTHERS TO KNOW TAHT jESUS WAS ABRASIVE IN MY VIEW @ TIMES
but, read the text it was because those he was teaching were not understanding the full message he was delivering.

I vow to keep this defect between me and God so he can continue to help me come with an approach so others don't see me as abrasive but as firm for GOD.

I am so eager to please others!!! but that has slowly changed because it should be only to please God and I am going in that direction. I can be softer kinder and loving but the reality is "I must be abrasive with a christain approach and that will give me these attritbutes I am missing, which others see and I mascarade from my daughter.

I break ! you are broken

It has been a lengthy time since my last blog, but it was supposed to be my way of healing and I opted to put the band aid on for a while. Since then I have healed some and hence the blogging resumes. Today I par took of communion at Mosaic and it was awesome! We were instructed to refelct on the past year or so and see if we needed to settle issues of the head /heart (so to speak). I reflected and it felt relatively good to be at peace with some past difficulties. I saw my brother a little over a week ago. I was surprised at how easy it was to hug him and more surprised at how much relief I felt, as he left. Some family's have issues that are not easy to face and this past month I have faced fear like a lion. I am the leader of the pack in Gods view. He commanded me to settle issues and I would grow. WELL I LISTENED. I have questioned why I waited 4 years to act upon his commands in my life. It is simple I wa snot wear I needed to be in my realtionship with Christ for it to be settled in the method it should have been. I wanted to settle it coming out swinging,Christ wanted me to settle it with his method "coming out with love and forgiveness" I am now a firm beliver that God has this crazy kinda control over me that I really I see more and more " Is in the best interest of Sandy"

I also went to spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws this year and it was a good time. It has been 14 years since we spent Christmas eve together. I loved the smile on my husbands face and the one that came across his fathers /sisters and niece face when we showed up. I was most reluctant to even entertain this mingling with the inlaws (because of past pain from interaction with some of them) Again it was in the best interest of Sandy. A chess move so to speak! I am so grateful for the times I listen and act without hesitation.

I am proof if ever needed he will bring you through some really difficult times. So when you take communion. Is your head and heart clear. Don't waste 4 or 14 years trying to do it your way.

BECAUSE to be somewhat cliche communion is not a game it is for real. asked yourself this question if you were facing the choice to put your life down for someone you loved could it be or would it be like Christ did? For you must know he went with the attitude of I BREAK! you are broken.

I love this moment in time!!!!!!!!!!! I still have some issues to fix that are broken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the wait is over. I am working on them.

How close are you to being "Mother Theresa"

So this evening I was driving home thinking about whom I spend time with and the best time I can recall is spending time with my sisters, I have 3 and have been blessed to talk with two of them very frequently almost daily. Do you think perhap's that is too much? In my youth I would have been the first to say,"I would prefer to be with my friends" But, as I grow in my walk with CHRIST I have some what of a clearer understanding that friends are sisters/ brothers in Christ and family/ siblings are or should be the same. We have this earthly thing that is meant to be a heavenly thing. I mean GOD directs us to do as his son Christ did, some have taken that so literal that it could have been to the extreme (he never abandoned his mother or father cousins ,he simply did not let them direct his path). Yet Mother Theresa I am not. I love my sisters and they are a big part of my daily life. They hold me accountable. I can be upfront and say I would have a difficult time never talking with them, and would almost feel a sense of abandonment if I didn't speak with them on my drive to work. We must balance family and GOD time ,it is imperative to put your circle almost to a box.

Four corners I started drawing the box because the circle never takes me to the destination (I in a sense feel like the dog whom chases his tail never getting what I am seeking). Say your morning is like mine. Get up fix breakfast, dressed leave for work and then talk with your sisters on an average 4 days a week, during your commute,that is where the line begin I then draw it straight across to my next corner work,(I am learing still daily to put GOD in my mix and sometimes it is simple and sometime it is so fleshly difficult) in making it to the next corner I have the opportunity to witness and also to be descipled to by an average of 30 people daily. I have been doing a pretty good job over the past few months. For example one patient needed to be seen and they had no money, I am blessed to be in the position to have an influence over physicians and my opinion matters to them. So the patient was seen the physican is the hero and GOD get's the GLORY,and I am ok never even seeing the patient just being a part of the joy.That corner also took me to a patient this week whom I had spoken with that was having a difficult time with ill family and she herself was ill, but out of town and needed some medicine,I volunteered to dive her some samples which was out of my routine commute. She was so gratefull and spoke such kind words about me to the entire office. I set the bar. Who was getting the glory from this. God!! Now it felt really good to know I played a part in her care,but one of the doctors came up to me and said "hey you really do a good job we are lucky to have you" I responded well yes you are soemwhat jokingly! But, it gave me such a rush and affirmation sometimes he wants you to share in his glory in the public. But, I am most ok with it not being public I enjoy helping others. Yet i read an evaluation the other day of mine from past employer and it said "she goes above and beyond for healthcare and for the love of others she helps nonstop I have been blessed to share life with her" I know and have been consistently affirmed that what I do does matter as it should . I so desire that others see in me I don't run in the same circle, but I get out of my box. Onward the trace of my box goes!!

Now onto the corner of my box,( drawing down) my staff and I went out to eat Christmas dinner together and I wanted to play a game. I asked them to write down their favorite movie and favorite book. Some were surprised when guessing mine because I did not put down the Bible. I put Velvet Elvis!! But, they all know where I stand.This corner takes me to co-workers people I have formed a bond with and am building relationships with. One in particulair has left my office she called me the other day because her husband is dying with cancer and simply wanted to share a few thoughts. One of those was it was so good to have a Christain Supervisor, and then she wanted me to pray for her.God is so amazing at this corner

Now across to the next corner is administration and politics! I have been blessed to work with some doctors and others whom share faith and sometime show their faults in this area like me. i certainly don't mind calling them on it. Perhaps I could be less bold sometimes and for sure less abrasive.I correct many just as Christ directs me it and they don't realize I am basing it on my on morals with Christ, not upon the ethical code, I am required to inforce as the business . I can share Christ and some may not even be realizing it in the beginning. I share frequent e-mails with one of my direct supervisor's she is a strong person of business power but, yet she came to me last week to pray before her work day. I truly know this woman is a tuff lady and some perhap's many would say she is to hard. But, she is honest and I so respect her values in the business world ,as they align with her moral and christain values.

Now up to the last corner before the box starts over. I love to spend time with my family, and I love to spend time reading about almost anything, But of lately it has been more of the Bible.It is or should always be in your box. I am learing to understand and educate myself more about the Bible.

So, next time you start your day find every opportunity to get of the circle and make a box. The song "I don't want to box you in" Is sometimes just the opposite of what we should do, because you could miss alot of opportunity to share Jesus, if you don't see the need to stop at the corner and go across,up, down and over for God.

I again am not Mother Theresa, but if you don't know the real story of her amazing life. Box yourself in and READ IT.

THE BEST THING COMES WHEN IT IS NEEDED, SOMETIMES!!

SO MANY RANDOM THOUGHTS GO THROUGH MY MIND IN ONE DAY. BUT, IT IS THE THINGS THAT I NEED SOMETIMES THAT GO IN MY MIND OVER AND OVER.


SOMETIMES I WISH IT WOULD SKIP THE THOUGHTS AND JUST COME MY WAY.

BUT YET MY GRASCIOUS SAVIOR REMINDS ME "IT WILL COME WHEN NEEDED, BUT IT MUST COME THRU ME/MY WAY. AND THAT IS SOMETIMES

YES THAT REALLY SUCKS! AND I WANT IT WHEN I WANT IT. I CLEARLY SEE MY FAULTS AND I AM NOT ALWAYS GOOD AT WAITING.

ITS LIKE I SAID AND EVEN ASKED FOR PLEASE AND YET i STILL DON'T SEE THE RESULTS FAST ENOUGH

FOR EXAMPLE WHEN I ASKED SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING AND THEY DON'T GET IT DONE FAST ENOUGH, WELL THEN YOU JUST DO IT YOURSELF. I AM SEEING COMMUNICATION IS THE SOLID KEY TO EFFECTIVELY GETTING SOMETHING ACCCOMPLISHED. SO WHAT IF I ASKED ONCE ASKED AGAIN AND AGAIN.

AFTER ALL THAT IS WHAT CHRIST DOES FOR US HE ASKED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. BUT HE NEVER REVEALS HIS FRUSTRATION ONLY HIS LOVE. hE WAITS ON US WHILE WE WILL NOT WAIT ON HIM TO RESOLVE ISSUES.

TODAY SOME REALLY COOL THINGS HAPPENED AND LIKE LIGHTNING IT IS GOD SPEED WHEN THE RSOLUTION IS READY IT COMES.

COMPLETELY TO ERASE THE THOUGHTS FROM CONSUMING YOU, ONLY TO GIVE YOU A GLIMPSE OF THIS IS WHY I SAY SANDY LET ME DIRECT YOU AND YOU WILL FIND REST AND YOU WILL FIND THE TIMELY RESPONSE AND YOU WILL FIND THE ESSENCE OF WHAT " GOD DESIRES FROM ME" AND YOU WILL FIND INSIGNIFICANT THINGS DO NOT REALLY MATTER, YOU WILL FIND GREAT JOY IN GREAT SORROW
YOU WILL FIND CHRIST THOUGHTS WILL GUIDE YO AND CHRIST ACTION WILL RELIEVE YOU AND YOU WILL FIND SOME THINGS WILL STAY IN YOUR HEAD UNTIL GOD GETS THE OK FROM YOUR HEART TO CONTROL, THEN YOU WILL FIND RESOLUTION IS HIS PLAN NOT RESINTMENT. FAIRLY DIFFICULT TO SWALLOW EVEN ON A GOOD DAY.

LET ME REMIND YOU HE CONTROLS US AND YET WE CONTROL HOW HE INTERATCS WITH US. SEEK GOD

new soul,new body,my heart aches

So perhaps many recognize this southern gosple song lyrics, But if you do not then,the words alone tell a story. I know my story or autobiography if detailed would be a sad one thus far,but just the fact that my heart aches is painful to God, because he desires all of his people to have a happy heart, even in the face of diversity. I am digging deeper to find the spirit of Christ in this time of my life and I know it is a time. I faced a fear and now I face a season with Christ. I remind myself he has not abandoned me, now I can't abandon him.

I just can't see the old story of footprints in the sand. I have to view the foot that put it their. That is who I am, but not who I desire to be. I am longing for the grace that takes me through the season's of life no matter how they enter my life. I want them to exit the same, under the principal Christ did "endurance and faithfullness" I trust in him for those that are familiar, but when the new season is unfamiliar I shut down my Christ attitude and let Sandy the flesh start the season. An obstacle is intended to grow you as broad as Christ needs you. I am realizing I will have growth, as big as the east is from the west, as the north is from the south. Yet, I still resist every time it begins(to let God have complete control). perhaps God knows my heart and head still need some continous connections. I rest assured in that one day endurance will pay and the pain, of my heart will be new I will have a new body /where Christ is so settled into me that my internal compass stays directed to the NORTH star.

When you question GOD or question what does this mean to me. Just settle with it is of GOD and yes if it comes your way it is for you.

I would love to hear my grandmothers words of wisdom "ONE DAY I'LL HAVE A NEW SOUL"

Salvation is easy to get, hard to keep and difficult to loose ,no matter how long it takes me to realize every season is from GOD and I resist his power to handel it alone. he still allows me the grace to whisper "Sandy you will be just fine and I can handel just get yourself out of my way"

That is when you experience the new body, and the heart aches less each day. I firmly believe I will celebrate even the sad things under his spirit.

The class ring, missing pieces and the connection!

So I am questioning others do you wear your classs ring? Do you still have your class ring?
I don't wear mine anymore it sits in a jewlery box, filled with other jewlery I don't wear as well. But yet I keep them, why, it must be because of the connection.

I recall getting my class ring in the fall of 1984! the goal was meet and I got the prize because every one wants a class ring. My uncle said "get her the best and so the ring was top of the line" The blue stone reflective of my birth month the 4 tiny diamonds , set into the year 1985. Yes that is perfect, but as the years past I lost the desire to wear it so proudly. So, hence it sits in a box. I recall when I was planning my 15 year class reunion I wore it like I was in school again, then put it away. It is most amazing how school can bring some thoughts of being a child out in you, and you giggle over the same things you did in school.

Last Friday I went to the local resturant and enjoyed a meal then sat with a friend from high school, and laughed so hard. Just alot of fun! Yet I noticed she did not have her class ring on either. Did not asked why, but I do want to know why we leave some things behind. It is a connection to us. Material items should not really matter in this life, but we all have them. For some it is your cars, radios,tv, or clothes maybe even the closet room of shoes. Where is the connection to you in these items and what does it really say about you. What does it say about your relationship with the world? Your relationship with Christ?

Simply if you have aboundantly give aboundant, if you have a penny give a penny.

Relatively simple. Yet I recall an interview with 2 famous basketball players, A question was posed to both. What do you think about people whom beg for money. One responded "oh that dives me crazy they just neeed to get a job" while the other said "I give them money, that is what I feel the need to do and I have enough" best friends whom share a connection, but different views. Powerful!! the one whom said they need to get a job had more rings from championships than he could fit on one hand, as did his friend

This past week my elderly father in law called and related someone from my husband's high school was looking for him. My initial thought was oh my gosh he has a child, but then I thought someone found his class ring. The intensity grew as it escalted so did my mind, did he have more than one child was it 2? My husband is typically a man of few words, but he chatted away while I waited on the call to end.

Then finally the connections came. Almost 30 years ago a ring was purchased after hard work
and my husband got his class ring. he wore it proudly, until it went missing, was it lost or stolen never real clear, until the call.

A beautiful smile came across my husband's face and he said"they have my class ring. He went to retrieve it the next morning and called me so excited he chatterred away,it must have been one really cool moment in his life to get something he worked for back.



He is one whom will never take it off once it goes back on. While I never wear mine, yet I also never wear my wedding ring. The bible gives us some fascinating details in depicted examples of how to wear jewerly. Now I don't have a nose ring but, just say I did(my family would think I have lost my mind or joined some weird midlife crisis womens group) and I said it is for me, some would say oh! But what if i said I wear it like refenced to in Genesis 24;47,53,or Proverbs 11,I am adorned for the one I love. My husband would concur I have lost my mind.



When you put away gold/ silver /stones, take them out or buy them only with the thought that I will wear this with the thought of "My outward beauty is matched by my inward beauty and when you go to get your nose pierced do it with the thought of "this diamonds for you my lord".



Jewerly connects us! But it should not bind us. It is intended to glorify God. So I am convinced that I will probably never wear my class ring as I did years ago. Because it was a milestone I have passed, so now I vow to pass the gold on.



However, the joy in my husband's face from recieving his back was a God thing from my feeling. I am happy to see his smile a very cool thing. All over something missing that has returned.



All of this about jewerly is connected to Christ in the conclusion of. You can have it and not wear, like salvation, put it in a box, but rest assured the dead and risen savior will return some things back your way it is in his power. How awesome is that. He can track us from 1981 graduation to the current 2009 and give us a gift.



Keep the jewerly but only if you wear it like God commands. But recall how adorned heaven will be. Live like you were their now!!!!!

I never thought I was a mosaic only a picture,

Some really painful days have been mixed with exhillirating moments. today God sifted me again and I made a really tuff choice. I let my child fall to the hands of grace, and pray he seeks it. A mom is meant to love and protect, it is difficult to realize your love and protection is sometimes not under the full authority of GOD. We as a mom/ parent must let go when it is needed. Some things are not intended to be fixed, it must remain broken. Which makes me grit my teeth and tighten my jaw muscle, only to swallow and feel the pain. I feel the urge to scream "really GOD is this what you want for me, my family, my son" But his spirits arises within and I don't need to question anymore.


He points me to the mother from the book of Matthew 15:21-28 and Mark 7:24-30 I am the mom as she was the mom with a child whom is "out of his mind " To hard to imagine that I can get the faith to resolve if it is his plan" I desire it ,but the question is does GOD desire it to resolve. Perhaps! and that must be a complete answer I settle on. Becoming the full Sephonician mom is how I seek to come to my Lord.

I am a firm beliver that some forms of sin are deeper in the soul, some are of the head and some to the core, as some is the seed itself. It takes love, compassion, patience and surrender to endure the pain, when the sin of others has a direct influence upon your life. Of course some of these are easy to implement, so long as you have no great history with the sinner. But it is about the connection , and that is what Christ intends it to be about. If you do not make connections then you are not seeking Christ. So, realize a child, a husband ,a father, a mother in -law a brother is a connection and sometimes great pain can come from these connections.Yet you can't put the puzzel of your life GOD has in place, if you miss or avoid picking one piece up to see if it fits. Completion is sometimes the corner piece, sometimes the jagged piece, sometimes the center piece. In completing the masters piece that is your heart it will take many hours working on this puzzel just keep it out on the table and work it daily.

At the age of 40 plus I am close to looking like a Thomas Kincade painting, but yet still so far away from it. I don't question my price in the art gallery anymore. i am priceless ,I am his, and he has created a one of a kind with flaws and they are created by GOD.

When Mosaic Church was started 2 years ago I knew it was intended to bring a joyful noise, sometimes joy is "crying ",and I certainly have done my share of that.

yet now I get it Mosaic is me, a mom in pain, a wife healing, a daughter forgiving, a sister seeking. I am not the picture just a piece of his puzzle.

Sandy

loving as a christain mom in a hail mary world!

What I find most interesting is the fact that "children are a gift and the gift comes at a New York price sometimes" and yet their is times the gift can be of the New York style and cost you nothing or cost you your heart and bank account.



I compare my children and realize the great difference is salvation. One has it secured and honors God and her relationship with Christ. Not painful or difficult to be a mom when you get this package. It only requires you as a parent be faithful in the role of parenting and follow the choices laid in the Word. I know the person she is no doubt is because of my committment to Christ and choosing to grow as a mom whom needed to learn lessons in parenting. by some difficult tackles, and leaving me feeling sacked some days.



I don't have a real clear picture on "the cliche good seed/bad seed. But what I do have is the knowledge that all comes from Christ and it is our responsibility to keep them with him. All choices require some form of action - mental, physical, emotional,verbale, but yet they are also met with some form of reaction. It is as if choices are the offense or defense of the team. and the score is being kept. Accountability for the choice is not about the game it is about the team.

I seek to be the mom God would claim worthy of his team.

I seek to know when I need to release the hail mary!

Why does it take tactical strategy to have the ability of loving as a christain mom, simply put because of the world we have created and the sin that goes around as this earth spins.

To accomplish this you must have bibical principals and get the team pumped and ready to raise a child. A team is both offense and defense, it can include you as the parent, your childs teachers, your neighbor, your elders , your friends, your pastor. All of these people have an influence upon your child. So be selective not exclusive or reclusive when you expose your child to the influence of others.

Be prepared to schetch the plays for the rule book, be prepared to sit the bench, be prepared to block, be prepared to tackle, be prepared to know when you are not playing by the rules God aligned for us, and when they fumble, be prepared to recover. In parenting I am finding it most difficult to love my son, as Mary loved Christ. But yet he speaks so clearly when I recall just throw the hail mary, and that is when the score will turn to the favor of GOD. Relinquish your desires for the child and let GOD have his own desires play out. It will be painful but put on your helmet and pads. The bruisng will disappear under the blood of Christ.

I urge you if you are struggling with this in life . Throw the hial mary. That is what it will take to become loving as a christain mom in a hail mary world.

Lets play the game!

The music in the line of your relationship with others! feeling uncomfortable

So, I listened to a sermon recently and although he had several thoughts of his own like "christain music sucks", and he did not like several bands that I do, and yes I crenched when he said some of his thoughts outloud. I know that they were his own expression of interacting with and trying to reach this new generation. If we want Godly parents then they must live Godly lives. I know of the free will and choice, a-lot reference too, which is hog wash. God gave us Christ and the free will ,is salvation or not. I have an extremly diffcult time believing that he intends us to choose , other than ,as Christ would choose. I believe that once you fully have the backbone Christ wants or desires, it will be as if the switch turned on and only then that you are uncomfortable with the music others choose but you have the ability to see where the music comes from in a person and where you need to tune into as a desciple seeking to lead others . Christain music does not suck, (but I can certainly agree I don't like some of it) , but nor does other music like Hank Lockland, or my granfather whom played the harmonica. Let me be clear, the story of Mary Magdaline would make an excellent honky tonk, cotton I- joe, or square dance tune if you wrote the story that way, most music reveals a story from someone, and so if it is about sex drugs and rock-n-roll, then the intent of the lyrics is clear to me and the music in the line of my relationship with others is dampened. I am an educated person and I know what does not bring me in the grace of Christ and what could prevent me from growing deeper in him. So as my past years of parties and living for the weekend bring memories of not being close to Christ, I limit my music of choice because I desire to be in his presence and that is what I have trained myself to acknowledge some music just does nothing for me but irritate me. I believe alot of Southern Gosple is in my roots just as is ACDC/Tina Turner/Neal Diamond.

Co-incidently several weeks ago I was going for a walk and questioned my husband if I could use his MP3 player to listen to some music as I walked " Lord have mercy I almost laughed outloud" when I put the ear piece in" it was Marty Robbins. I joked and said I can't walk to that. But, now I know why my husband enjoys his music he has stored in this MP3, as his dad loves Marty Robbins and he is a man of GOD no doubt. Surprised at this I was more surprised at his choice of radio in the car, he listens to a station my daughter enjoys also. Justin Timberlake is on his MP3 player as well. So what does that mean. To me it represents a man whom has respect for his father and can also accomate his daughter. I am not particular to either one of these artist, but it will remind me of a time in my life, so if I hear either of these artist I connect them to those I love as well.

MUSIC is of God but it is not GOD. When we sing any christain music, it should connect us with Christ,just as should non -christain, if not then it is not placed to grow you in any way closer to Christ. I mean when the death of a pop king Micheal Jackson is more celebrated that the death of our risen King. Their is the sign we as christains need to be aware of, and not focus on it but grow others from it. All of this being said a Christain can represent God in silence, and I am just as fond of that. My staff at work listens to music while they work and it drives me up a wall. that is just a part of who I am. We must recall in the world we are intended to align with non- christains and music is a form that can get the right desciple in the specific location to witness to a non-christain. I am so slow to realize some things but all music is not for GOD, and while I personally view some as a catalyst to his kingdom, others do not share my view. I am in this world to live as Christ would live ,and in my thought he can not be seen in the local Holiday Inn, yet that is because of my own sin, in the location, just as I don't think he lives in majority of the music from M/M. I would challenge every one to read the words in "cleaning out my closet" poweful and a sign of brokeness. What kind of Christain would it take to witness to this artist? I do not feel music is an idol, but yet it can be a distraction from the Glory Of God. I am not only referring to non-christain but, some old southern helms I love, and some current music. I am a calm soothing person and when I need ear pieces to enjoy the music. It is my distraction from God. I must choose, when you think of music before you judge look at the intent and sing if you need to or not. I also now recognize that I can't walk to Marty Robbins but, others can.


It was a good sermon check it out mosaic church crestview.com (listen with the intent to grow not the intent to judge anothers view)
sandy

Bones, The beauty of working.

So it has been a few weeks since my last blog. I have been working my fingers to the bones. That is an old southern statement. But one which was made by most farmers in the south. Not a statement heard recently. Where has all the women and men whom worked all day and the only complaint they could vent was as I said" I worked my fingers to the bones today" I recall an uncle I always looked forward to seeing him. To the best of my recollection he was always the same age( he never aged,yet now ,as I am older so is he)and would arise like clock work at 5:00 am put in a long day, generous soul set to help others. The generation of current could never fathom labor like his generation experienced. I have certainly worked some long hours in my life thus far. But my fondest memories were always working outside with my uncle in his field or gathering fire wood for heat as a young child and teenager.

Now, I understand why God loves his creation so much. It will bring aboundless fond memories,
just by working a field of soybeans or a field of corn, natural surroundings, building neutral memories that emitt LOVE. Do you get that is what GOD expects when we connect one with another, he is in the midst. \ labor, love.



Now don't read too much into what I am saying, I am not in any way trying to reflect a"LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE"CHILD HOOD ,IT JUST DANG SURE WAS NOT!!!! Yet I learned some valuable lesson about providing for your family from my youth.

But a job is not something you should dislike, because when you put God in the midst it is simple. All work is for his glory. Doesn't mean you will like or even alway's jump out of bed anxious to hit the clock. What it does mean is, you will be challenged, pushed to the limits, all to improve you attitude for things we don't like. That's what his plan is " a moral lesson on attitude adjustment", before you decide to walk away from work or a job look at the real reason of your desire to leave ,pray and find the direction God has in store for you. Don't be a coward and walk, be brave and stay look for the "big picture" and if you can see GOD, feel God or Hear God, then pray, becuase he will direct you.If you can't find him then it is because" it is about what you want in the flesh". God does not hit a time clock, he is always with you.

In my life I have encountered a job as a cashier, waitress, and several other odd jobs, but my love is people so God knew what he had planned for me and he prepared me for my job of nursing, by all my previous encounters. My job is stressfull and sometimes I find I just question "GOD are you sure"
He continues to direct me back to work. I have often questioned was I addicted to work. Sure their is that drive in me to succeed. It has taken me years to realize my drive is a great tool, as it has taken me a long time to use this tool in the mix God intends. Not that I have seen myself as a non-compassionate person. But a good supervisor is one whom is understanding, holds you accountable, provides you the moments to let you know you are valuable and let them see you will work harder than they expect you too. That is what I find works. God provides many Bibical testimonies about leaders, labor and love. In the end that is what makes me want to work harder. He gave me examples and I drift toward their values when I am over-loaded. Like today 12 hours and I feel pretty good.

I pray I show my daughter the value of love family and labor in the home and at work. It is for the grace of GOD I am making good progress in these areas myself.

One thing I can say is "I will work my fingers to the bones if needed to show others his love" and my ancestors would be proud, just as will GOD.

work hard,build relationships,and share his love their is no OSHA/Federal or state regulations on preventing this at your job. Christ commands it.

Bones"the beauty of working is lead by example".

Sandy

The deafness! living for 7 out of 7.

It was a really long week. But one of a great glorious final moment, and it is about what will be at the end, not the struggle in the beginning. God made the earth in 6 and rested on the 7th. I like to think along that line when I go/ leave my job/work and have those moments of uncertainty.



So a MONDAY for me this week was one of great anxiety, certainly not Christ like. It did not take me long to realize Satan can find a pin hole in your flaws and create a crater or better yet the Yellow Stone National Park. My anxiety was just that from a scale of zero- to hundred and from a pin hole -to Yellow Stone. True enough we act like some things do not affect us, but you can't hide emotions from the devil he intends to make it public that is his goal, My anxiety over "was it the correct choice", was filled with all kinds of emotion but, uneasy is the base line. I viewed every item to see if letting someone go was what Christ would do, or was I wrong. God interevned and it did not even occur on Monday,giving me time to really think about details and choices. Reflecting upon Matthew 21:12-13 Cleansing the Temple , and Matthew 26:70-75

Now it's !

Tuesday came so quickly, I went into the approach of terminating an employee, to reflect was it what God would want after reading the previous verses it was simple. Termination made with a more settled heart and by Wednesday no anxiety over a "choice".

Life is pretty good when you can live for 3 out of 7 and reflect God. But come on he wants it all and so my week continues.

Thursday getting past a lot of emotions at our office was meet by the grace of GOD "deafness"
One could alway's say 'I did not hear that" but we had a patient whom required a sign interpertuer, because he really could not hear. I was most amazed by his presence and the ease he strolled into our office with. Reading our letters of communication with him ,awaiting the signer to translate his medical complaints. He sat and completed all paper work simply by reading the directions. Most impressive if you ever see our medical history questionaire, it would be a clear picture of "they must want access to my trust fund rights, by all the question's we require". Translator arrives and she begins to sign for the patient "they both laugh and smile"
You see they had met brief before in the deaf community functions,but were both at a function the night before his appointment. Of course neither aware they would be seeing each other the next morning. Our staff was all captured at his accomplishments and the ability to sign and hear without the sense of hearing, (health care in a glorious God moment was much needed). A very cool man! A very evident circle of life. I love My God and Thursday in this moment I SO LOVE MY JOB,in that moment I relish the ability to communicate and learn sign language. Yet I also realize GOD HAS BEEN GIVING ME HIS OWN SIGNS AND I CHOOSE TO TURN MY OWN EAR. Not a healthy choice for someone whom is seeking to grow in Christ.

Finally it is Friday!!!!

Some really good ideas keep me looking forward to improving my job, all for the glory of GOD.
But, my first focus is home and I am leaving early to spend some time with my husband even an extra 1 &1/2 getting home early is important. All will be here on Monday. In this choice I realize
I am ok to want the best for my co-workers and seek the best in health care. However, God gave me a sign and I listened this morning "a healthy marriage requires time,a good manager requires a peaceful heart. I will find the balance this will make 5 out of 7 . It is all good under his power.

Saturday
I spent some much needed time just resting, fatigue hit me hard and I came home fell asleep, Friday. My husband so grasciously let me sleep. Now rested spending time with him is easy. I realize you must balance your time, for it was obvious time was the element needed. 13 hours of un-interupted sleep. This is something God gave us and some don't seem to get the fact " Rest was in his plan" After this many hours of sleep "I gotcha God". God first I am your daughter,then I am a wife under your leadership, a mom under your authority, seeking to desciple others along the path with me. Wow he is so remarkable. 6 out of 7 living until he shows me more.

My Sunday.

A ridicuously awesome day at church followed by a very peaceful day with "RAIN". He sent that my way to remind ME of "HE CREATED EVERY THING AND WE ALL ENCOUNTER THINGS/THOUGHTS /FEELINGS' But, you must realize you get the signs to fix this just listen and you will then and only then have the full ability to live for 7 out of 7.

There is great power in the number 7. HOLY! HOLY!

SANDY

When your love must change.

I am in the midst of a failling marriage and not sure I want to fight for it anymore.

I have often heard couples comment I love him but I am not in love with him. I was so perplexed by this message and have never under stood it.

This describes me and my feelings! you loose the butterflies, you loose the goose bumps and then you loose the heart.

That is my message from God.

When a marriage is falling like a full bag of Reeces Pieces, it is all good until the bag is gone, the sweetness leaves you and you hold an empty bag longing for the fullness of just the flavor.

I love my husband, but he has lost the flavor!!!

I must endure because God commnands that of me. I want to be the wife that keeps him going to buy the next bag, and sample the sweetness, God provides between a husband and a wife.

He has such a huge heart and a wounderful smile and a great compassion for nature and his dog and others, he is a great provider.

What he does not have is the will to fight the last fight, go through the valley to see the peak with Christ. He believes in God, but does not live in God.

His life is not evident that he lives with God. So, that is why I am summoned to endure my empty bag, the loss of flavor.

Christ commands that we divorce under certain terms. I firmly know I would be in his grace just as well, if I walked away. But, then I would have lost the battle, gone through the valley only to see the peak on the other side without my husband.

I choose him and then I choose God second. In all honesty if I had choosen God with a full spritiual mind and heart, then choose my husband; This battle would be different.

But it isn't different.

This is the time in my life when my love must change. In the beginning I loved God, but was not in love with him.

Now I am in Love with God and love my husband. I am having a very difficult time fightning the battle. But God has burdened me that he loves my husband now and he longs for him to come unto him. He desires for him to love his son ,before me(his wife), once he loves Jesus Christ I will feel the fullness and sweetness of renewed marriage,a renewed heart.

I consider divorce an admission of not trusting God and not being willing to change my love.

I will forgive and Jesus commands so much more of me.

So be fully aware of "When your love must change"

STOP AND DON'T LET IT LEAVE OR GROW

In relection with some friends from the church today, brought back some really great topics and yet left me with some really personal struggles. About babies/children and cats. True enough I am not all about listening to the cry of a newborn. Yet, I know I should be. Its kinda like my personal quest of Is it ok with GOD that I strongly dislike cats (sure it is bizzarre but yet I just question his opinion on what I think because it should reflect his love)



Today I hosted a baby shower (which I love to do) and the gifts for a new born baby is so awesome. It left me wishing 'STOP AND DON'T LET IT GROW OR LEAVE".



How cool would it be if we could stop the following from growing or leaving



A puppy!

A baby

A teenager whom brings so much joy in your home

Your spouse

A kitten

A newely married couple

A tropical storm

That tree you like to climb

Your elderly grandparents

Your favorite uncle

Your first date with your spouse

on,and on!



In compling the list above It is real personal for me and I begin the deep search to find why I am struggling with wanting to freeze time. We all want only the good and mourn in our own ways the bad. Simply to state we are human and made that way is a cop out. I am looking for the time capsule that will make me relish the bad just as I prance in the good. It is selfish to want this kind of control, and not Christ like. Hard to accept and sometimes I wish I could move forward without thinking about this list and just completly become submissive to the circle of life.

Yet, I love a little puppy and don't have the same passion for an adult dog. Don't get me wrong I am not cruel in any way it is just not something I care to take care of. Why I don't know because a puppy is exhausting. Is it becuase I need to feel drained to be in the presense of God. That is crazy!! But yet think about Jesus when he was seeking God the fourty days of wilderness was draining. I honestly love to look at a kitten but am terrified of kittens and cats. A very unusual fear and yet very true. My heart will race and I avoid getting out of a car when I know one is around. Just really crazy yet I just honestly do not like cats at all. So, I am settled to let God have this one and keep my crazy fear in control. God does love his people whom love animals and I believe their is a special place for cat lovers and a very special place for uncle's whom throw cats at thier neice and scar them emotionally for life.So take me serious when I say don't invite me over if you have cat.

I love a good tropical strom. But, I am almost migrainly tense of a hurricane. So, when one starts to develope I want to simply put build " Sandys' Ark". That is almost funny. I can see all the vibrate colors, it would be one cool ark but a sign would say "cats find your own ride" ,(that is mean I don't think cats can swim). On a more serious note when hurrican Opal came thru in 1995 we lost essentially everything that made our income" a commercial business gone with the wind". It took one huff and one puff for all to be blown away. Not a good time in lfe, not a good time in parenting, not a good time in marriage,to be followed by not a good time in being a 30 year age man to a very controlling mother, not a good time in almost every thing.

But, yet all good comes to his favor.You must realize the good may be a loss for one and a gain for another. That is the way God intends for our life to be what affects one ,will affect another in some fashion of life. To realize your devestation is a gain for someone other than you is so Christ like and yet so difficult to accomplish. Try to swallow that line, I certainly don't measure historically speaking. Now GOD command's me to realize even a flat tire is good for another. Wal Mart tires are reasonable and someone needs the job of selling them. See one does affect another.

I truly desire every child to know the un-ending love of a grandmother. Mine has been gone for 25 years. I never thought she would leave me. But, yet she left me with so much. It is not even poetic to say "she was Love", because now I know her Love was from GOD and that in itself leaves me without futher questions about the broad love of grace. A grandmother grinded in the mix of GOD is truly to the uttermost. She was a prime example of "I love you no matter what".

I think of my daughter and nothing can make me laugh like she can. Just to funny and her blond moments are something to soak up. She is humorous and a child of God. When Chrsit took her heart he intended to align her with peolple whom needed to be aligned with him. That would include me. It has been a crazy life having her to share so many funny and yet tender mom moments. I really do want her to stop and don't let it leave or grow.It is painful because God has shared her enough with me. I am working on this new role to share her with others. Her first boyfriend/dating/ independence/friends. I was taught to share with five siblings yet I struggle withy this inclination to just keep her as she is. A smile , a loud sneezer and a kind heart. Thank you God for helping me see the beauty of parenting in God evolve thru her. She may not be perfect and she may disappoint me one day. But, her kind of love is only from your loving son Christ.

I am struggling in the wife role. I have a great husband far from perfect and he has done things that certainly do not reflect God. But I wish so much to become the wife God desires. More focused on his need more focused on the fact that he is willing to endure everything and yet he still remains by my side. I am sure unknowingly I have driven him to the road of London sometimes "driving on the other side". But yet he alway's let's me know I am his London he want's. God help me protect and keep the love we have from "Stop and don't let it leave". Again Christ will speak I just have to listen . Recall ones devestation is another's gain that can be or you can listen to the intent it means in marriage and realize "a floaded bridge will eventually recind and you can see the road or the river banks".So in your own devestation will become your own gain as well.

I think every person should have the one uncle that takes the time to invest in your youth. I have an uncle who put some really interesting times in my youth. I think so often of how glue holds things together and sometimes it separates after years. He is the glue and he is aging. I want to stop time when I am around him. He always makes me feel love. I know he was some form of protection in my life and nothing is better than to experience the comfort of Christ thru others. My uncle is that person.

Lastly, I drove by a home the other day and looked at a tree that my son used to climb. I miss the tree ,as it has so much height just as GOD intended Yet, I miss my son whom has failed to get his growth in the role of growing in Christ. God gave us notice when he put his own son on the cross and I must become submissive in placing MY LOVE, MY FEARS ,MY ANGER AND MY DESPAIR ABOUT THE SON I so deeply desire to see climb a tree and bring others joy. Certainly not easy and I just can't settle with God over him. Trusting in him to sift me until I am fine and complete with his resolution. But I close in reading 1 Corinthians 17,20. It does apply in everyone's life. It just is not easy to implement. I realize alot of this is of the flesh and so I pray GOD STOP AND DON"T LEAVE ,BUT GOD I DO WANT TO GROW IN YOU.

SANDY

I love Fresh cut grass,I hate the task

Today was an intermittent day for rain, to bad I did not have a WINDOW to gaze out of. Which left me with all I could think about was how fast my grass would grow, as it rained. It is most bizzarre that I can't find the perfect balance to appreciate all things in our world. However, very comfortating that I know I am not alone in my thinking.

Today one of my very cool patients made the same exact comment. I could have shouted,"Finally someone whom gets me" (BECAUSE NOT ALL TEENAGERS UNDERSTAND). she said "I love fresh cut grass,I hate the task,then she continued to talk chit/chat (I am so glad to have the 5 minute encounters I get to have on a daily basis ,yes( it's all about building relationships),so the middle age lady referenced as she continued her brief talk "but we needed the rain, so I will have to do the task again, and I get the fresh cut grass I just love"

It may sound very simplistic but, think deep,not so shallow.

God gave us rain for the ones whom love the rain.
God gave us rain for the ones whom love fresh cut grass.
God gave us rain for the creatures.
God gave us rain for those whom are like me.
God gave us rain for relationship builiding,
God gave us rain to enjoy the use of some really cool and fashionable rain boots.
God gave us rain so you can build memories from.
God gave us rain so we can know his power.
God gave us rain for a warm blanket.
God gave us rain to remind you of him
God gave us rain and it is given so graciously in Florida!
God gave us rain for the weather channel (because we need to know about the North ,not our local weather).

Yet what I find myself asking is why don't I stop and think of this instead of how it will inconvience me. After my encounter with this very nice lady was about to end she said "Honey God loves us, even if we don't always appreciate the rain" Reality check! Put very boldly!

So, don't think it's not about you. Because,eveyone has something they love/like but only when it is best for their "time " not on GODS' TIME".

I walked away from this with "LET IT RAIN". He spoke again boldly "Sandy it is not always about just you" I gave you the grass, I gave you the rain, without one,you can not get the other.

read 2: Corinthians 5-11

What is my rain really about, I am getting closer just not close enough! Today was a good day.

Sandy

LIES AND THE DEMISE/THE BEAUTY OF AN UGLY PICTURE.

IS IT OK TO MICRO-MANAGE? No doubt their is always a period in life, where one should micro-manage duties bestowed upon them. But, yet how to balance this is up to " what is the beauty of your picture, to appear,once publised". I referenced the word publish as a metophor to what you, do/say ;act/react;believe/deny;love/hate,reveals to others your inner unwritten porfolio of "YOU".

Simply, because of the sinful world we reside in, it is best to have every intentions of learning the skills to micro-manage your relationship with Christ.

You can have every thing off of your list deleted as, the sun sets on your day. But the key to micro-management is what was the list in the beginning. Does it ever reflect something like this.

1. return all calls
2. clear all the clutter off my desk.

Recently someone made a comment that stuck in my head and not surprised I can't let that go. The intent of this comment was reference to job duties. The person was most upset that I micro-manage some things. Yet, she felt she done her job because she never left anything on her desk.
Come on honestly I just wanted to say hell its not about what you get off your desk its about the approach in getting these off your desk. Yet reserved to not speak outloud. I looked deeper to see if my own expections were to much. Perhaps! But, convinced certainly "NOT'.

During these times I set up a simple math problem

one person drives 40 minutes to see the doctor,and encounters one MA during the office visit for less than 5 minutes, The drive was pleasant, the encounter was semi pleasant, then 25 minutes with the doctor, health on the route to being restored.By one 40 minute drive ,one 5 minute semi pleasant MA,plus 25 minutes with the doctor. DIVIDED BY -3 test ordered, by 1 DOCTOR, to be followed by his 1-SEMI PLEASANT -MA. Answer in math terms health care in the negative and the drive starts over again, easliy headed in another direction.

RESOLUTION to the problem: one semi pleasant MA can smile and appear to care .but, it requires deligence in looking at what you clear/what you file/what you say/what you think outloud. What you think you have enough knowledge on, is surely the beginning of the drive starting over. So, simply getting every thing off of your desk is not the resolution, it is the problem. Minutes matter and the 70 minutes in this case is the potential of living or dying.

So for some you may need others to micro-manage some areas of your life.

Don't get upset! Get real and look at the problem. When you choose to ignore the problem or choose to lie about the role you played in the error. Perhaps that is the first sign that you need some serious micro-management in many areas of you life. What you claim to be will eventually show as well lies will be the demise and the beauty is an ugly picture.

I stood firm in my faith although it was uncomfortable and potential loss of income. I choose to rely on Christ and he clearly spoke. "Sandy you protect your morals and keep those aligned in my works and deeds, for it will reward you at the end of THE UGLY ,IS THE BEAUTIFUL!

I will continue to micro-manage many areas of my life and yet other's require very little effort. Christ has almost cleared the list. Yet, he know's I can't return all calls at the end of the day and if you ever see my desk, you will know CLUTTER is almost alway's facing me. I can't just simply purge thru, file , and not look at the detail's. In the end some list will never be deleted and I am perfectly pleased with that.

My message this week was clearer than I have ever heard. I am feeling so much more confident in my relationship with GOD. I am trusting him, and seeing sometimes trust is what is needed to help me not micro-manage some things in my life. Yet, also I know some gain your trust easily and some loose it, while some don't see the need for it at all.

Read: Mark 10 -35-45 profoundly ironic to my week.

simply to clear your desk is not always a good thing.

Sandy

I DECLINE TO IGNORE WHAT OTHER REFUSE TO SEE.

Why should I ignore the obvious ,when others refuse to see. I must say it is for several reasons. We live in a sinful world and nonchristains are evident eventually. So, for example, you can remain in his presense or escape and ignore ,with the thought of "it is not something I would do and so I am not responsible in the end. But,yet we are all accountable and that really sucks sometimes. I am so firm in my refusal to compromise or be aligned with the morals of some nonchristians. Word of caution what if your family's entire future could be at risk if you do not choose the seconds of being misaligned with the world. I am convicted that I would eventually fall.

The patients of GOD and his grace is their for me but as well is the "DEATH OF HIS SON".
So I am facing a serious delima and struggles are what we make them. I could just walk away and choose to ignore any situation, But, I don't believe my season of life begins until I face the things which are easy to ignore.

Frustration is a word I known that could be exactly defined as others or used to define how GOD feels about me sometimes.( don't go all political or biblical ) yes he loves me but I know I must frustrate him also.

Well again I pray give me the wisdom to walk away and the wisdom to stand firm. Both are required for this season in LIVING IT OUT.

Read:Philippians 1:21-30

Moral of my convictions today frustration is limited to the flesh, things you know but choose to ignore will eventually misalign all relationships.

Sandy

In this true desire to find another missing part of the picture, (that is what I see in the reflection). I know we should be ridgid in our efforts to start with prayer, but someday's I find it so much more peaceful to just end it with prayer. Which absolutely makes no flippin sense. What am I thinking (it must be my own commandment):thy shall not pray to much! No seriously what would make me box GOD into a time or a space,or reason, let alone a season of my life. When the answer is nauseating and so obvious. It is written on my forehead boldly! I do that ,I box GOD in ,I select to pray when I choose. I may as well be saying it outloud "I got this GOD,Thanks but,No Thanks.I am sure he is most disappointed in my poor attempt to see the reflection someday's.

What makes me sad, is what makes me want GOD more is always put in my view and I am obviously to lazy in my love for his plan /or as our pastor put it "our direction is our destination".

To drive it home.

You can either follow the yellow brick road or not! Just know when you tap those red heels Christ doesn't come calling, nor does he have to show you his heart, you can't only get the oil just when you feel frozen, on the road you travel. Lastly, the wicked witch"lurkes on every stop or detour you take on the trip. The key to the yellow brick road is finding your heart and realize you can remain the lion or become the lion and find your heart, being a coward in Christ is not going to take you futher on the route to love. To face your fear is to find your heart and courage is a really tough act to implement.

So pray more Sandy but understand you should know the difference between in prayer and I pray. GOD should always be summoned to direct the road, and his son JESUS CHRIST, has already paved the road. Honestly it is just that simple and Complicated is not even a street sign on the road. You can't get lost if you listen to the directions and read the map. ITS called LOVE.

Read: 2 John:12 and THE THIRD LETTER FROM JOHN: That sums up my failures and desires. I only asked myself "when will I see him face to face".

I truly believe it is at the end of my road and at the end of his direction for me.

So, I continue to read and follow. In prayer I am hooked to be looking for the love he intends for me . So, if on the road I take a detour GOD let me know how much you still care and direct me back to your destination of the crooked path for me, where the cross was laid for me and where I will alwys intersect with you.

Not even close enough! determined to be.

Sandy

DO YOU NEED GLASSES OR SHOULD I JUST REMOVE THE BLINDERS?

Well I thought it would be easy for others to share my vision, but that requires a clear picture and sometimes even giving them the box of 24 crayons (for some to get the picture,the box of 8 colors is not enough) so they color it on their own and it just doesn't reflect a rainbow. Sometimes, I question do they need eye glasses or simply need to remove the blinders.



I am ok with coloring outside the lines! Sometimes,but mostly it really frustrates the hell out of me. Why I really don't know. I can only calculate "I feel my way is best" and when someone chooses other I have to ponder "what part did they not understand in my instructions. I know I was clear in my expectations. So for the love of rollercoasters, what more can I do to help them stay inside the lines. All I am asking for is a complete picture,not perfection, but yet outside of the lines is mood changing in my world.

Today was a clear picture of GOD is good and colors are more than just to bring happiness in my grey world. So much for making others share my vision. I can't force something on someone, I can't keep them in the lines, if I say it should be black and white, it is becuase God my guide has weighted my soul with digging deeper in all that I do,home, life, work, and yes my continuous trying to get more organized efforts. Christ and his father are one ,so should we be in the places we go or the things we do, when you and I stand together in our expectations and have those aligned with the laws GOD has already provided. That is when others realize you will not alter or back down to settle for anthing less than a complete rainbow or a picture colored inside the lines.

I expect compassion for others, I expect a certain amount of tolerance for others whom try our last nerve, I expect everyone to understand why I push for the best in healthcare,I will not settle for anything less. Forgiveness! Is already paid, Asking for it is up to the person. I can not mis-align my own values and convictions,to allow it intruding upon the sacred territory of my relationship with God . He will not let me settle easy, if I let a white lie -not be brought from the dark. So, I call it like I see it. When you color anything the way you desire it,that is giving each artist (so to speak) open road to look at it thru their own eyes. I am strongly convicted if someone would tell a white lie they would stretch it to be more than just 8 crayons in a box. So, I will hold that person accountable and let them deal with the fall out, and trust in me it will evntually fall out. What should be black will be black ,what should be white will be white, and when it needs a little yellow, the sun will reflect upon it. All other is just an area of grey and I don't think we will see the picture until we remain aligned with Christ.

Moral of this is> Be faithful,Be Strong, Be kind,Be honest,Be open to removing the blinders,Be open to getting yourself in unfamiliar territory. Lastly, be still and listen he will reveal the pretty and ugly pictures in life.

Thinking Outloud! Read 2 THESSALONIAS 2:13


one week down,to the new me. yes it was tenderly painful,no not really it was extremly restless and very uncomfortable.

Trusting in GOD!

today is D-DAY.

Sitting @ my desk today and reluctant to intiate a task. Finally,I have to breath and begin .Because so far computers haven't taken over the need for love & compassion. At least for me it means job security, in the current economy,and that is a great thing. However, sometimes to find a balance between love and nursing or compassion and adminsitration, can be or should be just put under the label of D-Day. I feel like it is invasion from foreign enemies, sometimes co-workers and sometimes the coustomer. Which one is the beast? I guess it depends on my own attitude in the reproach.

I relized today my fault, as it was pointed out, during an employee counseling session. A bad memory. Yikes!!!!! Yes I forget. But surprisingly I never forget some things. Why is that?
It leaves me to dig deep for answers. Yet, why do I really care what others percieve as a default,or defect in me. Crap! I don't know I just do. It matters and it should not. It's like rocking in a chair,back/forth. My mind will not settle until I have searced the uptmost region of my obvious deminishing memory to find, it does matter. Because memory is important.

So, although I strongly feel justified in my own expectations without any exceptions. I am most reluctant to hear what others percieve. I mean a bad memory! Yet, if I walk away from that with nothing then I have lost the intent of translation from the speaker. So a restlesss mind want stop until it recalls,what it forgets. That is how our love and desire to follow Christ should reflect don't stop until you get it better than before and closer than you were. Thinking clearer without so much clutter, fried brain overload,leaving so much room for improvement in all areas of our lives. Well although I have a goal in sight, it must also reflect my own area to seek for improvement when others percieve it as a stumbling to their own demise. I will fix my memory and then it will leave them to look at their own faults closer. So they can't elude problems forever. I commit to the 2 step program. Myself and Chrsit. Now GOD I pray I want take more than I can effectively and completly finish and if I say it is upon the errors of other when it is mine that you reveal it in my memory. Because, teachings on humility should be evident when you seek it. In conclusion ramdom thought read James 4:6,7,11,12.Crazy, to know it is true and sometimes painful.

Thinking outloud!!
Sandy

ARE YOU THE WHEAT OR THE WEED?

TODAY, WAS A DAY FROM THE PITS OF HELL. OK! SO, MAYBE I AM OVERSTATING THAT. I JUST REALIZED AFTER 10 HOURS OF WORK WHAT I MISSED TODAY IN LIVING IT OUT AND LIVING UP FOR CHRIST. I AM QUESTIONING IF I AM THE WHEAT OR THE WEED IN THE MIX OF MY JOB. I am just being frank! I have like others a weed day and wander am I reflecting the wheat enough. Now, that is a great parable. I like it so much, it,reminds me of when I was a child and we spoke our own language/lingo referred to as pig-lantin, my grandmother never understood the words. But, always knew what we were referring to. Christ always knows our sincere heart and it will eventually show. So word of advise keep the vision and don't let others make you become the weed in this daily struggle of life. (read Matthew 13:24-29)it's just that easy to loose a feild of wheat. If we don't remain vigilent in our own actions that includes how you handle the weeds of life. A good person doesn't always reflect the wheat,just the opposite at times. I recall in my younger years I would help my favorite uncle pull weeds from his feild to keep the soybeans thriving,(I just thought he done it because he wanted them to look nice in the rows or his OCD coming out). But, it all puts a clear picture of why we remove the weeds. At times you simply can't let them continue to grow or you could loose the whole harvest. So,pray for me as I plow feilds and let the wheat grow,but,yet reflect it should always be about christ and not of my own frustration. that is my goal for living up!

TODAY, WAS TO BE FRANK! A DAY TO CONSIDER RETIREMENT. HAVING AN ISSUE WITH AN EMPLOYEE,BECAME MORE CHALLENGING THAN I CARE TO REFLECT TO LONG ON . FOR THE FEAR OF GRACE LEEPING OFF THIS PAGE AND LEAVING THE BRAIN CELL I HAVE AT MY AGE WANDERING WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT WORD TRULY MEAN. GRACE,GRACE ,GRACE.AS, I DIG DEEP INTO MY LIFE, I LOOK, AND REALIZE I HAVE OFTEN CONFUSED THE MEANING GOD INTENDS FOR ME TO GET FROM THIS. SO, I SAY TEACH ME OH MIGHTY TEACHER. WITHOUT DELAY HE DOES I GET WHAT HE WANT'S ME TO GET. BUT, OFTEN TAKE ONLY WHAT I CHOOSE TO TAKE HENCE, I MISS THE POINT. IN QUESTIONING MYSELF ON AN ISSUE OF MY OWN EXPECTATIONS VERSES IS IT REASONABLE AND CAN I /SHOULD I SHOW GRACE /ERASE GRACE /OR JUST REALIZE NOT EVERY ONE HAS A BRAIN LIKE MINE AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. IN REFLECTING UPON SEVERAL BOOKS IN THE BIBLE.TODAY,I LOOKED AT TWO THAT SHOW ME HOW I COULD LIVE IT OUT